Stuck in Verona

So I’m stuck in Verona. And yes, stuck is the appropriate word choice.

And I can’t decide what to do next.

I also can’t decide if I’m crazy.
So, what else I'm going to do but write while I sit in the hallway of the train station.

I had this discussion with my teacher the other day about figuring out the balance between recognizing when you have to put yourself out there and just letting things happen. Another way to phrase it is, am I forcing this trying to “make this happen” or is this just the necessary steps I need to take in order to take advantage of this opportunity?

I feel like it’s a once again my philosophical mind trying to figure out how do I believe the world really works, and I suppose to be more direct, how does it work for me?

I certainly can’t answer for anyone else, but I think for me I enjoy things when they just happen. Doors open in front of me, and an opportunity presents itself. I can of course choose to take it or leave it. But, seldom do I feel like I “make the path“ to that opportunity other than by the choices I made previously by taking the opportunities that presented themselves in times before. In essence one opportunity leads to another.

I guess that’s where that brings me here.

I was in France because I wanted to go to Europe.

I am in Europe because I wanted to experience a different culture.

I wanted to experience a different culture because I want to experience that there is more than one way to do things. 

I didn’t pick France and make it happen. France happened out of a series of choices that I had in front of me at the time. Prepare for recital, apply for study abroad, play recital, have both means and musical preparation to go to this festival.

And, so that brings me to today. Currently Joel is in Vienna eagerly awaiting my arrival. Italian time strikes again and resulted in me missing my last possible connection from Innsbruch to Wein. I’m currently in Verona Italy contemplating my options.

Certainly my tendency is to wait and see what naturally happens by a process of elimination (it falsely frees me from the possibility and responsibility of choosing incorrectly). If I wait long enough, the choice is made for me. But I know that’s not usually the right answer, I know I just choose it when I amscared.

Instead, I’ve decided to go out on limb and ask if there would be a way to get a lesson in Florence tomorrow. Crazy, I know. I’m in Italy for the last time this summer, and so far my contact in Italy is also the ONLY person who has responded positively to my inquiries about a lesson this summer. It just didn’t initially work out because of my schedule going to France.

So, I’m asking myself, is this a door? If not, at least I’ll have knocked and found my answer. If it is, I’ll just have delayed my arrival in Vienna by a day.  But either way, at least I won’t be sitting around waiting for the choice to be made for me.